How To Stop the Self Sabotage: The Art of Perfection

You have dreams and goals and many beautiful things you want to do. You want a change in your life and have started many times to make everything come together, but something always seems to get in the way that sends you back to square one. It may not always be the circumstances that stifle your progress. Sometimes the thing holding you back is you.

Identifying self-sabotaging behavior as soon as it starts can be done with self-awareness. We can break down self-sabotage into three categories to better understand its origins.

Here are some helpful tips on how to identify when negative thinking has started to interrupt your success.

Self Sabotage out of Fear of Failure

When we set out to do something worth putting in time and effort, it's not likely we are looking to fail. Failure is a part of the process of any great venture or idea. Plenty of successful people have experienced failure but did not let that get in the way of reaching their goals.

Facing failure can bring up uncomfortable feelings. You may think that you weren't good enough for the role or the opportunity and begin forming distorted beliefs about yourself and your worth. Instead of sitting with the temporary sting of rejection, you want to avoid emotional pain altogether.

This can result in subconscious sabotaging behavior like leaving a project unfinished right before the big launch or even writing out a detailed business plan only to leave it stashed away in the files of your computer. You may have the momentum to start a great project or study for that new job but when the time comes, you've got cold feet. If you have experienced this thought pattern, then you might want to take a good look at why you can't seem to 'pull the trigger.'

To help with this self-sabotaging behavior, take a deep look at what you are afraid of when it comes to success. Take the time to journal and sit with yourself to find out what the worst could be if you were to go for it. Here are some journal prompts to answer that can help you navigate this self-defeating behavior:

If I were to fail at this {successful action}, what would I do next?

Is failing and trying again better or worse than staying exactly where I am now? Why?

What do I have to sacrifice if I fail? Am I willing to make sacrifices?

Will I be able to try again? Can I see failure as a lesson than a punishment?

These questions are not to prepare you to fail at everything you do, but you have to make peace with the possibility of failure to move past it and succeed. When you go up to your next audition or pitch that job opportunity, the fear of failure won't stop you.

Related Article: Congrats on Failing: How to Overcome Failure

Self Sabotage out of self-worth

Have you ever talked to someone about how great their talent is and they brush it under the table? Maybe that person has been you at times. When receiving a compliment you can't wrap your mind around the fact that you can be as good as someone else in your niche.

One of the biggest issues with self-sabotage can be the negative thought patterns that emerge from comparison. Social media plays an excellent part in disfiguring the process of success. It makes successful people look like they effortlessly became prosperous and only shows the glamorous side of all the hard work that was put in.

Self-defeating behavior can be the outcome of inherent negativity bias. This is when we use more negative information about ourselves than positive which can be exhibited when there are opportunities for success and we begin making excuses as to why we can't start something positive.

If you notice that you are making more excuses about why you can't complete or start something then there could be internal self-doubt. Diminishing self-worth has a plethora of root causes stemming from childhood, past traumas, culture, etc.

To help with this behavior you can start acknowledging your abilities. First, address why you feel unworthy of this desire. Here are some journal prompts that can be used to address this self-sabotaging behavior:

Why do I feel unworthy of success?

What are some positive qualities that I possess?

How would I feel when I succeed?

What makes me different from other people around me? How is my perspective special?

Imposter Syndrome

Imposter Syndrome is the behavior in which someone can achieve success and feel like a fraud or a poser. This can categorize as self-sabotaging behavior because though you are reaching success, the self-doubt speaks louder than the achievements causing anxiety. With these signs of self-sabotage, you may find yourself feeling like you can never do enough. Whenever you receive praise and accolades you feel as though it was by chance and that you should work harder. If you don't receive the top of the reward you might feel like a failure altogether.

Perhaps some part of you recognizes the hard work that you put in but it doesn't feel like it belongs to you. This cognitive dissonance puts the mind in unrest and this is where you have to control the self-criticism.

When we listen to our inner voice we have to identify if our wants and needs are coming from a place of self or a place of someone else. For example, maybe you are an artist who has a unique perspective. You create things you like and begin receiving admiration and compensation for your work, yet you feel like you've wasted your life. Maybe your parents wanted you to become a doctor and you chose the path of art. Though you have found a sense of success in this trade, you don't feel accomplished. This inner critic could be emulating a voice that doesn't stem from your core beliefs but from childhood expectations.

Dissecting the origins of the inner critic can be incremental progress. You have to sit with yourself and understand what you want out of this human experience. Many affordable online therapy sites with mental health professionals can help you get a deeper understanding of the inner child and those responses, like Better Help.

Take Away Trail

Trying these tips will help diminish destructive behavior you may not have noticed in the past. Be sure to practice mindfulness to develop a deeper sense of awareness and seek a mental health professional as needed. You can get out of your way by blooming with compassion and love for your amazing abilities.

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