How to Be an Excellent Mindful Communicator
Mindful communication is a great way to improve a relationship with someone. We find ourselves communicating mindlessly because we tend to be on autopilot. Mindfulness and meditation aid in effective communication because you are aware of your feelings, the situation, and how other's perceive you. Here are some tips on how mindfulness builds trust and creates excellent communication.
What are the benefits of mindful communication?
Think about two scenarios where you have had a heated discussion with someone. What makes the difference between a heated relationship where everything goes south and the relationship breaks and one where you can get through it and become stronger after? You might have noticed that in the first scenario, you felt unheard. The other person may not have understood where you were coming from. Perhaps you felt the other person was too emotional about the situation and found it difficult to give them your full attention because you also felt uncomfortable. When emotions start to become overwhelming, and neither party is using mindfulness, this is where relationships can suffer.
Think about the other scenario where you can get past the heated discussion without jeopardizing the relationship. You may have felt heard without judgment. You might have listened with intention so that you could both come to a solution to solve the problem. Though strong emotions were present, you did not lose sight of the outcome to agree.
Mindful communication practice can help in pivotal moments in a relationship and is used in everyday human communication. Here are some ways you can become a more mindful communicator.
Being Present in the Moment
It's no secret that mindfulness is all about the present moment. It is acknowledging the experience of what it is like to be you in your body. A lot of communication is nonverbal. In the book, Say What You Mean, Oren Jay Sofer says, "If we are not present and looking at the phone and thinking about what to have our shopping list we are not there to receive the message." Think of how many arguments and misunderstandings there are simply because one person wasn't paying attention. Being present lays the ground for connection and understanding.
When you are in front of someone, be mindful of facial expressions. Tell yourself that this person in front of you is the value of this air time, and allow your self-awareness to bring you to a place of compassion. Just like you can tell when someone is not fully present while you are speaking, the other person's perspective can be the same.
Active Listening
When a friend speaks, give this person the gift of your full attention. Listening mindfully can be making eye contact and allowing the speaker to finish speaking. You can acknowledge them by nodding or smiling at them. You can say, "I understand," and allow them to feel they are heard. Be sure not to over-acknowledge by being aware that you don't overspeak. This allows someone to feel as though what they are saying is important. Pay careful attention to the tone of the person's voice and the microexpressions that they emit. Mindful listening allows you to develop an awareness of what someone is saying beyond their words. Successful communication holds power in the willingness to listen to other people's points. The intention to understand without judgment and with compassion can transform even the most bitter of arguments.
Mindful Speaking
To communicate mindfully is to have the ability to use enhanced awareness of your speech. When we get excited or filled with strong emotions, we can find ourselves speaking fast or saying things we don't mean just to get thoughts out of our heads. We find that the words tumble out of our mouths like running water. Sometimes they come out so fast that we can't put these words back in once they've come out.
When practicing mindful speech, it's good practice to pay close attention to how you deliver your words. Here is an example of practicing mindful speech.
Pay attention to the pace of your speech. You don't have to say everything in the same sentence. Communication is so complex and if you slow your pace down just a bit you start to be more aware of your body and start to notice what you are saying. You can sense how you feel when you are saying something and the vibrations of your throat as you project. When you take your time with someone it says that they are worth your time. Pausing and slowing down is a powerful way to lead with presence the conversation with presence.
Mindful Intention Before Conversations
In the book Happiness by Thich Nhat, he recommends saying gathas which can be recited before making a phone call or approaching a conversation. Place yourself in a compassionate state first sitting in silence to collect your thoughts. Before you pick up the phone to have a conversation, you can use this example
"Words can travel thousands of miles
May my words create mutual understanding and love
May they be as beautiful as gems
as lovely as flowers"
Even as you prepare for the day while brushing your teeth, you can say
"Brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth
I vow to speak purely and lovingly
When my mouth is fragrant with the right speech
A flower blooms in the garden of my heart"
When you set the intention before a conversation, you will find yourself speaking with emotional intelligence. Realizing words you say come from a place of compassion and being mindful of how the other person receives you.
Take Away Trail
Our words are so powerful. They have the power to build and the power to destroy. They have the power to heal and to attract. It's not only essential to be careful of what we say and how we say things, but it's important to make sure the other person feels heard and respected. Mindful communication allows us to broaden our perspectives and practice mindfulness to be more aware of life.
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